I was recently in charge of a private cinema night for a group of young people. I had set up the drinks and popcorn, and presented them with a choice of DVDs to watch on the big screen. There wasn't a single dissenting voice as the kids all cried out to see 'Twilight'.
I'd never seen it before, and was mesmerised not so much by the film, but by the incredible reaction the young audience displayed. I watched in confusion as this group, made up mainly of teenage girls moaned with longing as Vampiric hero Edward Cullen creeps into Bella Swan's bedroom to 'watch her sleep'. My reaction was "Ewww."
But apparently I was missing the point. Edward was not really a creepy house breaking stalker, he was romantic. Or so I was informed. I struggled in vain afterwards to explain to these impressionable souls that a young men with a penchant for voyeurism and breaking and entering should not really be encouraged to endulge these habits. But this story has crazy power over the minds of teenagers.
After the final credits rolled and ecstatic cheers all around, the kids informed me jubilantly that the books were even better than the film and that I was clearly an idiot for never having read them.
Not wanting to be an idiot, I started listening to the audiobooks.
Oh...my...god.
This is a little disturbing. As Bella yearns to feel Edward's "throbbing venom coursing inside her" I groaned in revulsion, thinking about all the swooning teenagers that were eating up this garbage.
Audiobooks are great for long bus rides, but they do tend to highlight certain problems with the book that might have slipped by you had you not heard it spoken aloud. Stephen Fry's brilliant reading of Harry Potter, can't disguise J.K Rowling's irritating fondness for the word 'Incredulity'. She really can't get enough of it. a Years quota of Incredulous looks and responses seem to come free with every butterbeer.
And like J.K, Stephanie Meyer has her own favourite dead horse that she beats relentlessly. For her it's all about Edward. She simply cannot let it go. The thing is, Edward is good looking. Greek-god-good looking apparently. Ok, Stephanie, message received. But she beats this dead horse until it's just a pulped mash of equine flesh, as Bella constantly marvels and obsessess over him.
I was hoping that whiney Bella would get over this after book one. Surely the author would focus on other elements of the story since her audience had by now go the message. Edward is good looking. But apparently not. The poor horse cannot yet rest in peace. Like an idiot, I'm still listening to the series, hoping that Edward will at least get brutally maimed by a werewolf at some point. But for now, Meyer is still harping on about the smoothness of his marble lips. Urgh. So bored.
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